What a shitty day for a run. It’s somehow cold again which makes sense now because Philadelphia is now adjusting to climate change and providing us with a rotation of 2 days beautiful Spring weather, one day cold miserable weather. It’s only fair that Mother Nature curses us like this as we (humans) shit all over her year after year.
Alongside the colder temperature, there is rain. Not a downpour and not a mist, rather a perfectly in between rain that is downright annoying. With this being said, I can honestly say that I was kind of excited to take a run in the rain. I think this is because it sounds like something ‘real’ runners do and I want to be a ‘real’ runner. Therefore, I ran in the rain tonight.
Whether or not this made me a ‘real’ runner or not - I will leave up to you, but running in the cold rain was what it sounds like it would be - shit. Not even a quarter into the run, I was completely soaked and cursing every step I took. As I planned, I decided to not use the running app and instead, run at a pace that my body told me was right. I honestly couldn’t tell what my body wanted because my body was so annoyed with the environment I was forcing it to run in that it refused to let me ‘feel’ anything.
I felt tired during the whole run and while my breathing started to even out halfway through and my pace continued to improve (compared to my other runs), my mind felt consumed the entire run. Rather than having the clarity that I have experienced earlier this week, my mind felt cloudy and full of negative thoughts. My brain kept telling me how bad of a runner I am. I felt swallowed by finances and work. I thought about our upcoming wedding and how it might have to be rescheduled due to COVID-19. I thought about how angry I was that running wasn’t something easy for me. I considered that my bad food choices throughout the day (oreos and tortilla chips) made this run even more awful than it was already.
This post clearly shows that it wasn’t my best run, if not for nothing, because of my headspace. However, I can say that even with all of the negativity surrounding my run, there was still that voice deep in my gut telling me to keep going. Keep pushing. Just a little further. You’re almost there. I want to rip this voice out from my body and hug it tightly sometimes because it is this voice that keeps me going and this voice that believes in me even when my brain refuses to do so. I know I am going to need that voice over and over again as I venture into becoming a ‘real’ runner so I hope she is ready to put in some work.
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